ASMR woes - & help ?

Oct. 30th, 2025 01:26 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
never really do much with ASMR even though really want to enjoy because just have such specific needs with this stuff , like honestly lucky if even find one that work . 

just today , brain is in weird sludgy state , itch to calm down and trance but too busy to get there without help . right , OK , some kind of unintelligible gibberish ASMR might help - someone's voice , deliberately calm and quiet , but also no meaning that need to focus on .

but quickly find out that also need this to be :
  • soft spoken but not all whisper , too much whisper agitate
  • low on voiceless plosives ( p/t/k ) and other clicky mouth sounds , those sounds agitate
  • not clear enough to distinguish " words " , so nothing that try to mimic language like simlish
  • slow and steady with minimal intonation , not try to emulate real casual speech
  • solely gibberish ( apart from skippable intro/outro ) rather than switch between
everything that find so far unfortunately tick off one or more of these problem areas , all but one that is by ephemeral rift of all fucking people . maybe just not good enough at keyword searches for this , but would like if possible to find someone else without tasteless and cruel history . for sake of example should probably share video that work well for kossai , so that would be unintelligible doctor by ephemeral rift . 

will probably also help to explain why these things problems , so : HOH , and audio process is big struggle that take up lots of brain power , between follow intonation , distinguish sounds and words from each other , fill in gaps that fail to comprehend , and keep up with pace . 
when brain is sludgy , need to be able to just turn that shit off and keep off - but anything that mimic ( or is ) true language and speech force back on . this is also why can not just use another real language , even one that have no comprehension of , because brain still pick up on these things . 

like people always say

Oct. 27th, 2025 07:41 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
brain pace around and feel like animal ready to tear out of cage , so ... end up meander around and look at people's decorations . not super big on celebrate halloween personally , but fun to see others get in spirit - decorative times of year always fun times to meander for that reason .

should definitely meander more often , sometimes get so stuck in house just because lack energy for " real " plans , but obviously reach limits that way . 
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
have funny dream about rediscover some story that write as kid - unfortunately not real - and was all about like , this magical food dimension that would give anything which want , but have to be properly grateful or else fae would eat in return . this story somehow make into newspaper , too ? 

sadness

Oct. 22nd, 2025 03:06 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
storybook which really love , and which is not even very old , unfortunately already come apart very , very drastically . try to tape down pages , but that result in misalignment and even more detachment - there is no way to keep up with this and keep this book together . not sure what to do to salvage this - know if try to find another copy , that one will just do this too before long , so just delay problem , not to mention waste paper . 

anyone know how to save paperback storybook ? not standard size to fit pages in three ring binder , and do not want to hole punch through illustrations anyways ... 

ponder about " cosy japan "

Oct. 21st, 2025 11:48 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
this was something that get so much white rage bubble over on cohost , but there was series of discussions about this idea that japanese media is inherently more " comfortable " , and therefore some cosy genre stuff try to emulate japan in specific - not for japanese audience , but for white one , results of which range anywhere from mild annoyance to massive misrepresentation and cruelty . others talk about orientalism far better than kossai ever could , but there is still one thing that crop up in mind and wonder how much this contribute in addition . 

in internet age especially , have so much easy access to things from anywhere and everywhere . and think fair assessment that lots of westerners who turn to anime and manga already have troubles as outcasts , maybe abuse in life , so on and so on . and unlike other countries that might be closer , might have more similar languages to native one , well . this would all be completely indecipherable to everyone else in life , in most circumstances . these things feel like comfortable secrets because no one else could understand .

kossai was in that place too once , to lesser degree than some . was not " total weeaboo " , but did over-romanticise certain media ideas , and take massive comfort in things like ... how no one could understand lyrics of song even if choose to blast from speakers due to language barrier , or how have decent freedom to pass off anime as " just silly cartoons " , even if actually about secret gay romances . 

again this is definitely not only factor , but wonder if that contribute for some people . learn these same ideas , but never step back and reevaluate at some point - interpret that comfortable part about japanese media is japan , rather than japan become subject of comfort by sheer circumstance . 

dream journal ~ complications

Oct. 21st, 2025 10:47 am
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
almost every dream that remember for this last 2 or so weeks have something about minecraft , but also like ... almost incomprehensible ? think know why though - there is someone here whose presence tend to scramble dreams , something which often affect dream recall , and who happen to hang out in sleep-time cofront lots recently .

unstable recently , so presence help comfort and ground - just kind of wish not mess with dreams like this , but know can not really control that . have to stay close to be able to help , after all . 

faerie funnies ~ jokes and lies

Oct. 18th, 2025 02:45 pm
kossai: masculine kossai hold up yellow magic heart (Default)
[personal profile] kossai
some fae can indeed lie , of course , and aversion is moreso ... well , take skill to play with words , and many fae appreciate that skill . to say blatantly false things , and not even have fun , that can really annoy . so if not life or death situation , much more fun to twist and turn until truths and secrets lead down completely wrong paths , not just point to wrong signpost , if that make sense .

anyway , kossai always kind of have tendency to point out when joke is joke , but recently realise that will often actively point out when joke specifically based on something that is not entirely true . can still lie and hold tongue to not reveal lie when necessary , not like total compulsion , just can not help but point out in jokes . 

just think that is funny . possibly another pressure vent situation , really - if lie just for fun , have freedom to highlight and rattle on about why that was lie , so that able to hold together when lie is actually necessary . :P 

example that bring this to mind , NSFW :

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